Code Pink Episode 1: The Diagnosis That Changed Everything

*In this series, I will share a very raw personal journey. As you read this blog series, none of the information provided should be considered expert medical advice. What I went through may or may not be the same for the next person. I tried to share common reactions to treatment and how to manage. I am also not paid to advertise certain products. Please follow the direction of your medical doctor. The information in this series should be read with a smile. Please also be aware, I am very honest. I tell it how it is. I don’t sugar coat but I can be sarcastic. For that, I apologize for the occasional profanity. The tips and suggestions are things I’ve learned along the way, helped me, and information I want to share with you.

In January of 2016, I went to the OB/GYN because I felt a painful lump in my left breast. I had noticed it for a couple weeks. To be honest, I’ve felt lumps and bumps in my breasts for years. I’ve never really known what to look for as my breasts have always been huge (36DD), fatty, and lumpy. I remember asking one of the docs in the clinic years ago what breast cancer would feel like and I remember she showed me a fake rubber boob with varying sizes and shapes of breast cancer lumps. I remember thinking to myself, breast cancer was supposed to feel like a hard pea fixed to the floor of my boob. So, I just kept the idea in my head that as long as it doesn’t hurt and doesn’t move, it’s OK.

      At first I thought it was a pulled muscle or a knot, as I started boxing again after my recent gallbladder removal surgery. So I let it be. Then I got my period, and being a good little nurse I knew it wasn’t good to assess the lump a week before or during your period as it can give a false sense of lumpiness and tenderness. So I let it be. A week later I noticed it was still there, it was still painful, so I saw the OB/GYN. Going into the appointment I wasn’t too worried as I’ve always been told I have lumpy bumpy boobs and a history of a benign cyst on my right side. During the appointment, the doctor confirmed the lump, but wasn’t concerned because:

1.      I was 33yo

2.      I had no history of breast or ovarian cancer in the family

3.      I had my kids at a young age (under 35yo)

4.      I breastfed my kids

5.      I didn’t take hormone replacement

6.      I had a history of lumpy bumpy fatty breasts

7.      No nipple discharge

8.      I didn’t drink in excess, very rare actually. 1-2 drinks/year. (Apparently, alcohol raises the level of estrogen in the body which can lead to increased risk of breast cancer)

9.      The lump moved around

10. The lump hurt

For good medicine, we decided it was the right thing to do and work it up. So I was scheduled for a mammogram and ultrasound to be sure it wasn’t anything more.

         The following week I got to the breast center at 10am for my mammogram. I was told the machine was going to squish and slam your boobs in between these plates and it was going to hurt like H**L. So I got undressed and sat in a lovely, calm room with lavender aromatherapy being misted into the air. The mammo tech was absolutely wonderful. She calmed my nerves and explained what was going to happen. After the first squish I realized it wasn’t so bad. There was no indication that my boobs were going to be ripped from my body during the exam. After the mammogram, I went back out into the little calming room with misting lavender and waited for the ultrasound.

         The ultrasound tech was also a wonderful human being. She explained everything that she was doing and showed me where the lump was and what it looked like. I noticed she started ultrasounding my armpit and I asked if she was looking in the lymph nodes. I remember wondering if something was wrong but she told me that it’s standard to look in the armpit because many breast cancers originate in that area. When she was done she had me wait in the room for the radiologist to come in and talk to me about my results.

         When the radiologist came in, she also ultrasounded my breast and arm pit area. She was taking all kinds of measurements and I got suspicious but waited to ask questions. At the end of the ultrasound the radiologist explained that I had not 1 but 3 areas of suspicion. I had the large lump that I could feel, that was 1.5 x 1.5 cm and then there were 2 smaller satellite lesions in the same area approx. 1cm in diameter each. I could not feel the smaller lumps as they were up against my chest wall. She told me because of the suspicion of breast cancer, a biopsy should be done that day.

         There it was. THE C WORD. I was in shock. I was devastated. The wind was knocked out of me. I immediately thought it was a death sentence. The world stopped turning… at least I felt like it did. CANCER? I’m 33yo, it can’t be. I remember walking out of the hospital and crying hysterically. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t catch my breath. I felt like vomiting. I called my mom and she met me at the hospital. I just cried and shook. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. My mind kept spinning and thoughts about my family and life kept swirling around my head.

         We went back to the hospital two hours later for the biopsy…it wasn’t bad. The site was numbed with lidocaine and the radiologist took 4 samples of tissue. When the four samples were done, she placed a marker (aka human tracking device) in the lump for accurate identification and site marking for radiation if it came to that point. Before leaving, the radiologist explained that this was probably cancer and that I should prepare myself for a long journey. She told me to think of 2016 as a book and this was page two in my cancer book/journey.

          That night we left for a medical conference, hoping to keep my mind busy and off the idea of cancer. The three hour car ride was filled with mixed emotions. Disbelief, doubt, anxiety, sheer terror. Luckily my Chief of Comic Relief was on hand to blast various 1980s and 1990s movie soundtracks to sing too. Top Gun proved to be just what I needed to keep me from not completely losing my shit.

          Let me just say…I HATE waiting. I am a planner and I hate waiting. I was constantly checking my phone the next day during the conference, hoping someone would call with my pathology results. I waited, and waited, and waited.

            At 430pm, I got the call. The lovely nurse told me the bad news: YOU HAVE CANCER. I was told I have stage 2, grade 2 invasive ductal carcinoma. It was heart wrenching. Everything I was told and everything I learned in nursing school about the characteristics of breast cancer were not true. Not for me. So why did I get breast cancer? I tried to take notes and not cry at the same time but it wasn’t super successful. From that moment on, the wheels of treatment and information gathering were put into motion.

*Tips For Surviving: Bring someone with you to all of your imaging studies and appointments. Even if you think it could be nothing. I had no idea this pain in my chest was cancer and when I found out, I was alone. It was terrible. From then on I had someone with me at every xray, bloodwork, CT, MRI, doctors visit, everything. Even if they are there just to listen, hold your hand, take notes … Don’t go at this alone.