Code Pink Episode 10: What Breast Cancer Taught Me About Being A Nurse

As a nurse, I've stood at the bedside of countless patients- offering support, comfort, care and clarity during their darkest moments. I thought I understood what it means to be present for someone, to advocate, to show compassion. BUT it wasn't until I faced breast cancer myself that I truly learned the depth of what it means to care and to be cared for.

When The Nurse Becomes The Patient

There's a very surreal and strange shift that happens when stethoscope comes off and the hospital gown goes on. Suddenly, I wasn't in control and that scared the shit out of me. I became the one waiting for results and looking for reassurance from my team. Breast cancer didn't just test my body, it tested my vulnerability - it made me realize how much strength is needed to ask for help.

Redefining Empathy

Before my diagnosis, I believed I was empathetic. I thought I understood what my patients were going through. BOY WAS I WRONG. You will never truly get it, unless you've lived it. Being on the other side of warm blanket showed me just how much I was missing in my patient interactions. You also don't realize the fragile state our patients arrive in - they're scared and anxious. They are fearful and emotional.

For a long time, I couldn't care for an oncology patient. I still remember an ER MD that I worked with who asked me specifically to come into the room with him while he gave a patient their cancer diagnosis. He wanted me there to "soften the blow" and he knew I had just survived cancer and I could relate and provide support. I understood why he wanted me there and I did my best to support that patient during their diagnosis, but I was also PISSED! Cancer never really goes away and patients are left thinking about the "what ifs" all the time.

Slowing Down

In the fast-paced world of emergency nursing, we're trained to think fast and move faster! But cancer forced me to SLOW DOWN! To listen to my body, to rest, and to heal. It reminded me that every patient's journey is uniquely their own.

Advocating For Patients

One part of being a patient was understanding that our healthcare system is complex and frustrating - and this is from someone who's worked in healthcare for >20yrs. Navigating healthcare from the patient's perspective opened my eyes to how overwhelming it can be for patients.

My experience lit a fire in me to be a stronger patient advocate. During my treatment, I observed a very reputable institution not follow evidenced based practice with my care (they weren't accessing my port in sterile fashion). I called them out on it and the response was "This is how it's always done". I refused to let them access my port and I walked out. I called the patient advocate and filed a complaint. I was appalled that a well know, Level 1 trauma center would act this way. I cried in my car upset thinking about all the oncology patients with unnecessary infections because they weren't using proper technique. It made me sick. A few weeks later I received a call apologizing for my care and I was informed that their practice was immediately changed. Advocating for myself was HUGE and patients should be encouraged to find their voice and speak up if they have questions or concerns.

A Deeper Sense of Purpose

Cancer sharpened my sense of purpose both in my professional and personal life. It's made me more intentional and connected. More human. As a caregiver, I've really tried to focus on my patients. When I walk into their room, I try not to complete tasks when I work (unless there are critical things that need to be completed). I try and sit and really listen to their concerns. Most of the time, patients just want to be heard. It's taken me a long time to recognize the value of time. Most of the time, the most therapeutic thing we can offer our patients isn't treatment, it's our time and compassion.

Breast cancer changed me- 100% changed my life. I celebrate small victories like being cancer free more than I celebrate my own birthday. Being almost 10yrs out from diagnosis, I still think about cancer everyday.

After returning to nursing, I took on a new sense of purpose and a quiet mantra and promise to every patient I care for: I see you. I've been you. I'm here for you.

*If you've faced breast cancer whether as a patient, loved one, or healthcare provider - I see your strength. Thank you for inspiring me, and so many others, every single day!